THE MIDWAY: PAUL BYRD, HANK STEINBRENNER & FREE KICKS

For some reason, Paul Byrd’s HGH story doesn’t jibe with Mark Shapiro’s comments. How odd. (The Meaningful Collateral)

How dare Joe Torre call that 1-year, $5 million offer a slap in the face? What is six World Series appearances in 12 years anyway? George made Torre. (Sons of Sam Malone)

Some of the sneakiest, cheekiest, most hilarious and entertaining free kicks in the history of soccer. (The Beautiful Game)

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THE AFTER PARTY

The Plain Dealer is reporting that Josh Beckett’s ex-girlfriend and country music “star”, Danielle Peck (very hot), is singing the national anthem tonight. BURN!!! (The Money Shot)

Austin Powers, one of the world’s greatest spies, has lived a completely different life in retirement…as Lou Holtz. (Digital Headbutt)

The real matchup to watch: World Series of Cookies. When these cookies face off, you can throw all the record books out the window. (RandBall)

Has Larry Johnson put the diaper back on? LJ seems to think that his stellar seasons have exempted him from any need for improvement. (The Extrapolator)

Ten reasons to watch USF at Rutgers. Our favorite: Count the number of Sopranos references. (EDSBS)

An interview with the Detroit Pistons’ new backup SF Jarvis Hayes. His thoughts on joining the team, who he trains with during the offseason, and more. (Empty the Bench)

Little League coach benches player for swearing; player calls dad on cell phone; dad and uncle arrive and pummel the coach unconscious on the pitcher’s mound. (Deadspin)

The U.S. mens national team beat Switzerland is a less-than-thrilling international friendly. A nice excuse to mention everything Swiss. (The Beautiful Game)

The BCS sucks at picking teams for college football, but great for creating controversy. (We Suck at Sports)

Megan Fox, Stacy Keibler and Autumn Reeser in one photograph. Enough said. (Popaholic)

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THE NICKELODEON: WORST CORNER KICK. EVER.

Ricardinho (whoever that is … sorry, I am a soccer illiterate) attempts and completes the only corner kick I have ever seen that results in a throw-in on the same side of the pitch.

As a side note, I am loving the outfits the female referees are wearing and would be all for more female officials if they were required to dress in those duds for every sporting event they officiated.

Watch in amazement after the jump.

(Credit The Offside for the find.)

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THE AFTER PARTY

An interview with Barry Bonds’ ex-mistress ex-girlfriend and current Playboy naked girl, Kimberly Bell. (This Suit is Not Black)

Big Ten teams as Harry Potter characters. We’d totally like to bend Michigan over the bathroom sink. (The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes)

Sports movies are becoming too predictable. They’re all the same, and it needs to change. (Sons of Sam Malone)

Just when Bears fans were recovered from having to face Barry Sanders twice a year, along comes Adrian Peterson. (Chicago Bull)

Nebraska’s AD is gone, Dr. Tom Osborne might replace him and Mac G’s Fire Steve Pederson blog set a record. (Mac G’s World)

Scott Boras represents juicers Rick Ankiel, Ivan Rodriguez, and Scott Schoeneweis. GMs are now looking twice at the bloated bodies and the bloated salaries of Boras’ stud stable. (Steroid Nation)

David Stern’s latest, greatest creation. A white African-Canadian point guard. Steve Nash. The NBA’s Tiger Woods. (Hugging Harold Reynolds)

This weekend there was a soccer goal that was so awesome it could only be equated to some wildly-awesome hypotheticals in the world’s other great sports. (The Beautiful Game)

Podcasts are cool. This one covers the day games from NFL Week 6, plus the BCS standings, the MLB playoffs, and Kelvin Sampson. (The Meaningful Collateral)

Those in Cleveland and St. Louis better not get their hopes up for HD coverage in week eight. (First and 10 Inches)

Century 21 gave away houses at the Home Run Derby to people who, presumably, did not need a house. State Farm could do them one better by giving houses to people who actually need them. (Crashburn Alley)

The Ben-gals cheerleader calendar has dropped. Happy 2008 to me! (Bengals.com)

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THE AFTER PARTY

Rick Reilly (allegedly) has got some serious game. I wonder if after his display at the LSU tilt he took his lady-friend home and played around with some mosquito netting. (EDSBS)

NOIS interviews Stephen A. Smith. Some of the answers may very well surprise you. (Nation of Islam Sportsblog)

We need to determine if soccer should start using instant replay! Should robots and computers be in charge of the beautiful game? (The Beautiful Game)

Pyle of List U is opening it’s doors for the Winter Quarter with a brand new slate of courses taught by your favorite sports figures. (Pyle of List)

Playoff baseball is fun. McCarver is not. Quite the conundrum. Introducing ‘The Tim McCarver Blues’ video. (Red Sox Monster)

Jennifer Love Hewitt’s cleavage is always a winner. (Red Balcony)

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THE AFTER PARTY

Jenna Jameson admits to the world that Tito Ortiz shaves his junk. On camera. Eww. (ESPN Video Beta)

The Six degrees of Vinny Testaverde. How he can be connected to anyone in six steps or less. Literally anybody. (Rumors and Rants)

A look at the front-runners for each of MLB’s major awards, pitting them against others based on their performances in the Divisional Series. (I’m Writing Sports)

When TO is the one that brings common sense to a team, we’re all in trouble. (We Suck at Sports)

Bill Polian says that the TV networks ignore the Colts because they win too much. He also thinks the Earth is flat and that Posh Spice is an alien. He got one out of three right. (SPORTSbyBROOKS)

A-Rod shocked the sports world today by opting out of his contract with the Yankees to sign a record-breaking 10 Year/$300 Million deal with the Red Cross. (The Humble Narrator)

Get out the creatine. Ed Hochuli has a rubber duck for you, and you better take it. (First and 10 Inches)

Dick Vitale made some MLB Playoff predictions on ESPN Radio a little while ago … take a wild guess at how well he did. (Home Run Derby)

Hope Solo, the United States Women’s National Team goalkeeper who ripped her coach, Greg Ryan, will be rejoining the team during a tour next week. (Pop Jocks)

Joanna Krupa’s calendar is done. 2008 here we come! (Horny Oyster)

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THE AFTER PARTY

A few pointers on casting NCAA Football poll votes for those doing the voting, since they seem a bit haphazard in their selections. (We Suck at Sports)

The Big Lead gets credit for the find here, but the description and analysis on B.C. wins hands down. Enjoy Tom Brady’s Stetson ads. (Blown Coverage)

An inebriated dissertation/interview with a Yankees fan on the D train following the Yankees 6-4 loss in Game 4 Monday night. (Bugs & Cranks)

German-Iranian hates Israel, refuses to go? Ashkan Dejagah is creating quite a fuss for refusing to play a soccer game in Israel. (The Beautiful Game)

The University of Kansas has a football team? They’re 5-0?! What?! (The Pig Pen)

The loser of the Mexican presidential election cheated to win the Berlin Marathon? Que Lastima! (Rumors and Rants)

The Anaheim Ducks are got their bling Monday night. And what nice bling it is. (Pop Jocks)

Charlize Theron: the sexiest woman alive. (Esquire)

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THE AFTER PARTY

Yesterday it was reported that Michael Vick took an 8-hour class at PETA, and he even passed a written test. R&R obtained a copy of the test and posted it. (Rumors and Rants)

Does anyone believe anything ESPN Reports, anymore? So much of it just turns out to be flat-out false. (Awful Announcing)

A Soccer Player’s Guide to Surviving Fan Attacks. Dida showed us one way: curl up in a ball and pretend that you are dead. But there are other options. (The Offside)

During NLDS game 1 yesterday, The Phanatic knocked out a guy who looked a little like an old fat Rocky Balboa. – is that supposed to signify the Phillies knocking out the Rockies? (Home Run Derby)

The Gowanus Canal which extends through the borough of Brooklyn was found to have not only extended amounts of pollution but Gonorrhea as well. Yes, the Venereal Disease. (Simon on Sports)

First half fantasy sports. It is an idea whose time has come. Vote to end your fantasy sports at the all-star game. (The Grand National Championships)

You really can’t go wrong with a hot chick in a bunny suit. (The Grumpiest)

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THE AFTER PARTY

Anger has boiled over with the pink jerseys everyone is wearing. Wear your team colors. (Suck at Sports)

There were far too many great storylines for this year’s Philadelphia Phillies, and far too much going against them. Yet they persevered. (Crashburn Alley)

Finally, the long-awaited debut of Tony Parker’s penis. I mean Eva Longoria sex video. (The Blog of Hilarity)

“How not to run a pep rally” by the city of Chicago. “1984! Woo! 2003! Woo!” (We are the Postmen)

After conceding three goals in the final 20 minutes in their loss against River Plate, the players for Botafogo were showered with insults, popcorn and lingerie upon their return home. (The Offside)

That’s right Red Sox fans, your closer of past, present and future is quite the Irish dancer. (Sox Nest)

Jennifer Aniston lookin’ mighty fine in Mexico. (Hollywood Tuna)

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A GREAT WAY TO PICK UP GIRLS

by WCK, 100% Injury Rate

If there’s anything I’ve learned from writing every so often about soccer players, it’s that they’re basically functional and highly skilled retards. Because some of the stuff they do is simply beyond all comprehension.

Let’s take former Preston North End striker David Nugent who’s now with Portsmouth. He met a nice young 19-year-old hottie recently at a bar who he was smitten with. So what did he do? What everyone does when they want to bag a fine piece of ass. He sent her a full-frontal naked picture of himself to her mobile phone.

Now that’s how you do it gentlemen. All class.

Anyway, the girl immediately forwarded the image to all her friends in the city. One of them told a national newspaper: “There are a lot of Preston fans who are cheesed off about him leaving – so this is payback.”

Simply retarded.

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