MEEEEEEEEEEEEOW!!! (FIST* FIST*)

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

Looks like some fireworks are going to spark up in Lincoln with Tom Osborne taking over as interim athletic director (or as I like to call it, “Offensive Football Czar”.) Things are getting pretty spicy over there, as talks of firing Callahan are heating up. Some fans believe that the resurrection of Osborne is almost the seal to the deal. And then there’s stories like this:

Callahan allegedly called Osborne a “crusty old (expletive),” according to former Nebraska football trainer Doak Ostergard, who is quoted in a book to be self-published by a student at the University of Nebraska.

Osborne became interim athletic director this week when Steve Pederson was fired after several dismal performances by the football team.

“I understand that head football coaches, like everyone else, have emotions,” Osborne said Thursday. “I’m not surprised that my long-term influence on the program could sometimes be felt as a controlling force even while I was away, but that was never the intent.”

Every word that came Osborne’s mouth by the way had to be completely 100% supportive for Callahan by the way. Because it’s not like the guy that practically made the program what it is historically is a little pissed that some dude is taking over and completely changing it’s personaility. You know, going from grovel ball and stout “Blackshirt” defense to “YAY, AIR ATTACK! WEEEEEEEEE!” and “I Don’t Want To Tackle” defense.

It’s like the time I took over as Club Champion at the Golf Club. You see, the Old Man was the champ before I rolled in. There were strict dress codes, overpriced alcohol on the carts, and golf as boring as a game of Charades with Larry Brown. Now, clothes are optional, water coolers have been replaced with full-open bars at halfway houses, and free sex and rock and roll the theme everyday in the clubhouse.

The only significant difference is, I didn’t drive a championship caliber program to the ground. I just wanted to get drunk and hit the snot out of the ball.

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THE BCS STANDINGS ARE GOD-AWFUL

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

College sports are like angelic figure to me. It’s so pure, so joyful, so full of love. But as of right now, I couldn’t be more upset with the BCS. Everyone knows the controversy that surrounds the formula. Any jackass could come up with a feasible solution to fix the mess. The fact that no one is doing it, is killing me. Florida fans were thankful to have the BCS work in their favor last season, as Michigan was left on the outside looking in, before getting throttled by USC. But I think now I finally realize, this garbage has got to stop.

We all have our opinions, but a majority of the college football buffs know, the teams that are at the top are frauds this season. Let’s dive into it:

1. Ohio State

Without a doubt in my mind, the worst team that will be ranked #1 the entire season. How many cupcakes do you have to beat before you play a real challenging game? Rivals described OSU’s schedule the best:

The schedule has been, to be kind, easy. There are wins over a I-AA program, two MAC teams, a Washington team that’s going to finish in the bottom third in the Pac-10, two cruddy league teams (Minnesota and Northwestern) and one impostor (Purdue). Each of the next five games is against a team that has spent at least a week in the top 25.

Look, I know that the Big 10 is America’s favorite conference. Teams with huge fan bases and traditional powerhouses like Michigan, Michigan State, Wisconsin, Penn State, and Ohio State roam over all, but this isn’t the 50’s and 60’s anymore. Grovel ball and boring defensive battles don’t make for championship caliber football teams. This conference gets as much hype and love it does from ESPN because of one reason only: viewership. If they don’t talk about the teams that the majority of households want to hear about, they’ll be losing viewers. If you’ve watched Ohio State play at all this year, you know they’re completely overrated. Just by using last season as an attest, you can tell this team is overachieving and they’re using an easy schedule to their advantage. If the standings hold true by the end of the season, Ohio State will have played two ranked teams. That is, if Michigan can keep winning games.

2. South Florida

I’ll start by saying this: Jim Leavitt will win coach of the year. And he deserves it.

I used to like the Bulls. Not that “rah, rah, I’m a fan of your school” but “I’ll root for you guys for fun” kinda thing. That was all before the USF fan base got totally full of themselves and think they’re the greatest team in history of college football. With one season, some Bull fans believe they’ve catapulted over the accomplishments of Miami, FSU, and UF.

The Bulls have a legit defense, starting with their secondary where Trae Williams and Mike Jenkins practically shut down opposing passing attacks. Sack master Selvie Young George Selvie is quickly becoming a household name and the linebackers, headlined by Ben Moffitt, are great tacklers and cause turnovers. But that’s where the love fest stops.

USF’s offense is semi-prehistoric. Matt Grothe is a nice quarterback and he does make the players around him play better than what they’re capable of, but this isn’t a group of playmakers that’ll make any opposing secondary tremble in their boots. They’ve got an okay passing attack but rely on a predictable running game. When it comes to “big-time-games”, the Bulls are excellent. They’ve pulled off some great upsets over the past years (Louisville, West Virginia, Auburn, almost beat Miami) but now the shoe is on another foot. You can’t play the “we get no respect” card when you’re in second place (first place, according to the computers). They now have the target on their back and they’ll be the hunted. When you take on that role for the first time, you’re bound to have your ass handed to you. Just think about what Ray Rice wants to do to the Bulls on Thursday on Prime Time television.

And it’s sad, because I want to like the Bulls. But their fans make it cool like cancer. At least the folks at Bullievable Sports make it “okay” to like them.

3. Boston College

I’m not really that upset with BC’s ranking as I am of the before mentioned teams. I’m on the “Matt Ryan for Heisman” bandwagon because in truth, he is solely the reason the Eagles are ranked where they are. But if you’re talking “Best player in College Football” for Heisman talk, it’s clearly between Mike Hart, Darren McFadden, and Glenn Dorsey. Up until this point, the Eagles schedule has been… “meh”. Their best win was at Georgia Tech, you know… the same Tech team that can’t find a consistent identity from week to week. But if the Eagles go undefeated from here out, there’s not much that’s going to stop them from going to New Orleans to play for the National Championship.

Like Ohio State, they’ll only play two ranked teams all year, if they current standings hold. But they’ll have some wins over some quality teams on the road. Such as Virginia Tech and Clemson. At home they’ve got FSU and Miami (a very crappy Miami). Plus, there’s an opportunity they would play the Hokies twice, with the second time being in Jacksonville for the ACC Championship.

In short, the BCS just sucks. We need a playoff, and blah blah blah crap you already know.

I want it to go away and hide in the same cave with Osama bin Laden. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a system al Queda implemented to piss off Americans. Congratulations terrorists, you’ve won.

Now release me of my torment.

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HOUSE OF MIRRORS: WOULD YOU RETURN YOUR MEDAL?

by DCScrap, Our Book of Scrap

History is full of great debate. Questions that remain unanswered like “what came first the chicken or the egg?” or “can you get pregnant through anal?” Luckily for you – the huddled masses – Epic Carnival is here to settle these arguments once and for all. House of Mirrors is your favorite Carnies taking a look at one another and debating the mysteries of the universe.

This week the EC writers debate “If you were one of Marion Jones’ teammates on the relay team that won a medal, would you give it back?”

Bstone, Brahsome: Yeah. I’d attach it to the Civil Summons for the huge f**king class action suit that me and the rest of the team would drop on her ass. Punitive damages request of about $25 millions sounds about right.

DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool: Only if I could get a book deal out of it. Let’s face it, their names aren’t exactly tripping off the tongue here.

Mac G, Mac G’s World: Is it not a bronze? I would not give it back because I still do not trust the Germans, Russians or Easter European sprinters for being clean. Have you seen those women? I mean men.

Don, With Malice…: I’d give it back I guess, but I’d be pissed as all hell at Jones. Just as pissed that she’s broke now too, as any hope of recouping some money out of it’s gone too.

Sterling Gould, More Credible: I wouldn’t return my, because although our “team” performance was effected by someone that knowingly/unknowingly cheated, it’s not as if I did that to win my event. If everyone thought it to be morally unacceptable, I would return it. But unless that were to happen, the medal is mine. And I earned it.

Jacob, Vegas Watch: Being in the Olympics means you inevitably did a sh*tload of steroids yourself, so yes, I would give it back.

Simon, SimonOnSports: Hell no, I would just say a I lost it or maybe I would eBay the thing like OJ did to his Heisman Trophy. Nothing in this world is free.

Richie Rich, Home Run Derby: Hell no. If the IOC wanted it, they could go to eBay like everyone else.

WCT, Wasting Company Time: I would never give back my medal. Do the ‘89 oakland A’s have to give back their championship rings because their teammate was juicing? If I were Passion, I would have no problem keeping my medal, assuming Passion is clean.

Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond: I’d fish out a dead fetus from one of those abortion clinics I hang out at and put it in the box and return it. Kinda like the horse’s head move from The Godfather … but funnier.

Andrew, The Grand National Championships: No. You cannot force a team to give back any award for the mistakes of one person.

BOHChris, Blog of Hilarity: If my name were Passion Richardson, I’d never give sh*t back. Badass name.

So that’s three to return, and nine to keep.

What would you do? Tell us in the comments.

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THAT BASKETBALL GAME IS JOLLY, RIGHT OLE’ CHAP?

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

Can someone please explain to me why the NBA is trying to branch out to other countries? I honestly don’t think they care. It’d be like someone trying to force me to eat a hand grenade, but I keep telling them my stomach doesn’t set well with gun-powder and Ammonium Nitrate Fuel Oil. But David Stern is a stubborn, old man and won’t take no for an answer I suppose:

With the two teams in town for Wednesday night’s exhibition game, NBA commissioner David Stern hinted that the British capital was a serious candidate not only to host a future regular-season game but perhaps to one day have its own franchise.

“The UK is joining the basketball world and that’s very exciting,” Stern said, adding that Britain’s basketball “stars are aligning” given the recent successes of the national team in gaining promotion to Europe’s Division A and the forthcoming Olympic Games in 2012.

The stars people, the stars. This topic really interested me so I went ahead and Google’d up the first website I found on “London Basketball Stars” and got this:

We are seeking: Female Basketball players London Womens team. London Storm Women’s basketball club (been running for near;y 4 years now) seeks women players to join their fun and social basketball team.

If you like to have a laugh… And play basketball, then we are definitely the club to join!

Where do I sign up to be a fan?

The point is, can we please keep our sports in this country? Other sports have tried branching out to us, and we can see how well that turned out. Take for instance, the NFL’s attempt to branch out to Hispanic countries with our version of football. Homie, do you really think countries like Mexico, Spain, and Ecuador (just to name a few) really give a rats ass for our game? I’m all about showing love for every sport out there, but I’m a realistic guy. There’s only so much optimism I can put into a project before it fails miserably. Like my attempt to hook up with my high school’s Prom Queen. How was I supposed to know she had a foot fetish? Just because I don’t dig that, means I’ve got to change?

That’s a bad example, but it’s almost the same. If you don’t agree, you’re a terrorist. Are you following me? No? Good.

Call it an overgeneralization, but I don’t think the tea-sippers care about our brand of basketball. They’re more into soccer and eating crumpets and driving small cars around and bad hygiene. Those are the things I’ve grown up to believe about London, don’t make me change . Much like they think we eat McDonald’s all day and scarf down Cheeseburgers. There’s a reason we have stereotypes!

So we can live in fear and in a box.

(Originally published 10/10)

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WHO WOULD YOU DO: STERLING VS. BOHCHRIS

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

We’ve taken a little flack from our blogging brethren in our first segment of the WWYD? series, but I think we found a match up everyone can smile about. Part of being a Carnie here at the Carnival, you’ve got to take one for the team. Every once in a while, you’ve got to be the freak in the freak show. Lucky for Chris and yours truly, we’re not freaks. We’re just two very sexy gentlemen, and we don’t mind showing a little skin for a good cause. Now it’s up for you to decide…
“Who is the Sexy”?

Click image to enlarge
Let me begin by telling you a little bit about my opponent Chris:

Blog: Blog of Hilarity

Interests: Saving children from burning buildings, Cartography, Sensual Massage, Television

Favorite Sports: Football, Basketball, Dwarf tossing

Talents: I once saw this grizzly bear and punched him in his face. He told me the meaning of life. So I think I’d be good at interrogation.

Self-Promotions?: My grandfather is on this really cool website that I think everyone would enjoy. It’s pretty adorable. www.lemonparty.org It might not be safe for work if your job doesn’t like adorable grandpas.

And now myself:

Blog: duuuuuh, More Credible you sillyz. It’s clearly the most popular one out there.

Interests: I like to play golf, loud heavy rock music, expensive poker games I can’t afford, drunk chicks looking to score, video games, thinking about forever, a strong drink, holding hands, skipping rocks over water, and that feeling you get when you take a sip from orange juice.

Favorite Sports: Football (College or Pro), Golf, Baseball (Pro), Basketball (College or Pro), Soccer, and women’s Pillow Fighting.

Talents: I’m a mean song writer, and I’m solid at the guitar. I’m also the man at munching burning some rug.

Self-Promotion?: Self promote? Hell no man. My body speaks for itself. Have you seen my tan? And how about that ink? Pretty neato, huh? Don’t hold back ladies, I know you’re impressed. And there’s more of that back at my place… and I know what you’re thinking right now. Yes, I do have a name for my apartment. It’s called “Shag Force 1″.

Now that you’ve got some background, it’s time to decide:

<a href=”http://polls.blogflux.com/poll-17718.html”>Take the poll</a><br /><br /><a href=”http://polls.blogflux.com/”>Free Poll by Blog Flux</a>

And just remember readers, keeping it in the pants is to your discretion.

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THE NICKELODEON: THE BIKE OF TOMMOROW IS CONFUSING ME

Both of these guys are pedaling forward, yet the bike is only going one way… is anyone else confused as to what’s going on here?

I blame black magic after the jump.

(Credit Sterling Gould with the find.)

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LOUISIANA: STATE OF DOUCHEBAGS?… YES

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

Big props go out to the LSU Tigers for knocking off the defending National Champions for their bid to repeat. It took a lot of character and charisma to come back from 10 points down in the fourth quarter and somehow win the most important game on your schedule. Sure, there was a questionable attempt to harm another player, something that is common for a Les Miles ball club to do. But regardless, your team played great and deserved the victory.

Your fans, however, can rot in hell, especially when they’re threatening other people with death to themselves or to their family members:

Florida quarterback Tim Tebow received hundreds of anonymous threatening phone calls and text messages in the days before and after the Gators’ 28-24 loss at top-ranked LSU last Saturday in Baton Rouge, La.

Tim Tebow said the calls and messages began arriving last Tuesday, but he didn’t answer any of the calls. By the end of the week, the calls and messages had become overwhelming.

Some of the messages sent to the former Nease High School standout’s cell phone threatened bodily harm and even death, Tebow’s father, Bob, told the Times-Union on Tuesday.

There’s nothing funny I can write about this. You’re calling up an opposing teams player, an American, hell, just another human being, and you’re threatening their livelihood and their family members just to get into their heads over a football game? Are you people sick or what?

I’m not going to go into some political tirade, but there’s a reason why death/terrorist threats and precautions are taken more seriously nowadays. And in this particular case, it’s people who are taking their sports way too seriously, and probably need to have their ass in a psychiatric ward or something. I’m not going to lie, I’m really becoming sick just writing this.

You can criticize Tebow for his football play all you want really. If you think he sucks, good for you. If you think he should win a Heisman, good for you. I don’t care. But to threaten someone’s life over fucking football? It’s disgusting. For one, Tebow is devout Christian faithful. He holds his own bible study. He’s a damn good kid and is respectful to the media and the public.

You didn’t see Florida fans wishing Hurricane Katrina on Louisiana again did you? If you did, shame on that person for not respecting the hundreds of lives that were loss from that tragic event. And if I ever see someone do that, I’ll tell them what’s for.

I might be a student at UF, and yes, I am a fan of the Gators, but that doesn’t mean I wish death or injury upon my rivals. Sports are fun, they’re not supposed to be life/death situations. They’re supposed to be entertaining. If this article were about Florida fans wishing that upon Jacob Hester, you better damn believe I’d be saying the same thing about Florida.

Enjoy your success, but please… find a conscience, faith, and some respect for your fellow man. Basically, if you participated in this act or condone it, may God have mercy on your soul.

Hat tip: Larry Brown Sports

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MATT RYAN AND CREW JUST CHILLIN’ UNDER THE RADAR?

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

I probably don’t need to tell most of you, but some of you gorgeous viewers out there are unaware of the #4 ranked team in the country right now… Boston College. The one with the Eagle mascot, and you probably put two and two together to figure out the Boston part. It’s a major shock to me atleast, that I haven’t heard more about this team up until now considering they’re just about in ESPN’s backyard and I know the four-letter station loves the city of Boston more than I love the shaved vagine.

Let me give you guys some information before you read on. I by no means am a Boston College fan. Hell, I almost hate the city of Boston. My entire life I grew up in the South, so my sporting values have been raised for the southern teams. I could care less about the North and everything that comes with it. BC has an unblemished record (6-0). But I can’t help to wonder, just how good is this team?

The Eagles started out with three straight conference games (WAKE, NCSU, and G-TECH) all in which they won by 10 points or more. Then they played three straight OOC (out of conference) games in which their closest deficit was 10 points. They’re scoring points in bunches, despite the fact I thought they had no big time receiver for Ryan to throw to.

Enter Brandon Robinson.

Robinson has quickly become Ryan’s go-to target, pulling down 29 receptions for 390 yards and four scores (he leads in all three of such categories). The offense has been efficient, putting up the most points in the conference thus far (35.8 per game) and the defense is fourth best in scoring by the ACC (18.3 per game) and ranked 1st in rushing yards allowed (298 yards all year). Preseason, I was all but sure that Virginia Tech was going to walk with the conference, but right now, BC looks unstoppable, and look to have a cake walk against Notre Dame before they meet Virginia Tech in Blacksburg for what could be a preview of the ACC title game.

I completely underestimated the power of Matt Ryan and the double first name. He’s making it look like the bee’s knee’s right now. His touchdown to interception ratio at the moment is 3:1 per game (that’s 15 touchdowns and 5 picks if your math is bad). Considering the rest of the schedule, as long as they can avoid hiccups at Virgina Tech and at Clemson, I don’t see any reason this team doesn’t go undefeated and a bid in the National Championship against LSU (we’ll see if they can hold on).

Big props to all the Eagle fans out there. Your team is kicking some major ass. If only Bostonians could chill out about their sports and not make it so annoying for us to listen to them, I think we could appreciate it more. Until then, I’ll have wet dreams of your city burning to the ground (with no one injured of course, I’m not an anarchist).

Oh well, atleast I can dream. If only this was true:

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OMG LEBRON LIKES NEW YORK; WOE IS US

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

Cleveland, I know it must be hard for you, but your athletic icon doesn’t root for your beloved Indians… and why do you care? It’s not really that big of a deal, in all honestly. Regionalism has never stopped Joe-Schmoe from cheering for his favorite team across the nation and it shouldn’t change for professional athletes. Let’s face facts, society doesn’t need to see athletes pander. Not a whole lot could be more pathetic.

“Oooh, Donovan McNabb showed up to the Phillies game. He must love this city, I should be easier on him”.

Ummm, no. Most likely more than not, Donovan’s public relations dude told him to get his ass in a seat for that game and support the city. As long as air is going in and out of McNabb’s lungs, somebody is going to want him on the bench.

The only reason these athletes are in these big market cities representing these franchises is for one reason: dinero. Do you think they give two shits how the other pro teams do? Hell no! They’re just trying to make a paycheck, maybe win a championship along the way.

Some people are freaking out about this. But with Dan Weasel err… Wetzel, you can expect him to write an article on “betryal”. But then there’s the you and I, the people that don’t care. What it all boils down to, is that we’re all pleasure seeking human beings. If it makes you feel good, it must be good right? Okay, save doing a line of coke at the workplace, but everything else should be an OKAY. If it makes LJ feel good to root for the Evil Empire, let him do it. If he gets harassed, it shouldn’t be because he’s Lebron James, it should be because he’s an opposing fan.

Besides, is he that true of a fan anyways?

During his teen years, that meant latching on to the NBA’s Chicago Bulls, the NFL’s Dallas Cowboys and, indeed, the Yankees – all of whom captured multiple championships. He’s sworn allegiance to more college teams (Ohio State one year, Florida State the next) than anyone can remember.

If AIDS came out and won a few championships, he’d probably root for them too.

You don’t need LeBron to pander to the Indians. You need LeBron to get his teammates into a gym and practice defense. Like THAT’LL ever happen.

Lebron: Hey Token White Guy, you going to finish that hot dog?

TWG: I don’t know, is your mom going to finish polishing my dong?

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HOUSE OF MIRRORS: WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE ATHLETE?

by DCScrap, Our Book of Scrap

History is full of great debate. Questions that remain unanswered like “what came first the chicken or the egg?” or “can you get pregnant through anal?” Luckily for you – the huddled masses – Epic Carnival is here to settle these arguments once and for all. House of Mirrors is your favorite Carnies taking a look at one another and debating the mysteries of the universe. This week the EC writers debate “Who is your favorite athlete of all time, and why?”

Sterling Gould, More Credible: My favorite athlete of all time has to be Percy Harvin (figures right?). I suppose because I actually met him in person and I had a premonition that he was on his way to stardom at the University of Florida. I love how he plays, 100% at all time and the fact he can line up anywhere on the field and be effective. I took a picture of him and I, it’s pretty much the coolest picture ever.

The heart surrounding it wasn’t put there by me. I promise.

Adam Best, Arrowhead Addict: No contest — Reggie Miller. Growing up as a tall, skinny, mouthy little sh**, I identified with Reggie. What separated Reg from other athletes was his ability to thrive under pressure. He played better in the playoffs than the regular season, and better in the fourth quarter than the previous three. Not only did he possess the ability to takeover games, he often willed his Indiana Pacers to victory with last-minute heroics. Did I write heroics? I meant miracles. How did a kid who was born with leg deformities — he had to wear Forrest Gump-like leg braces for several years as a child — run circles around the competition? I don’t know, but Reggie did it for 18 years, and he did it for only one team. Both his dedication and loyalty were unique, and are traits that aren’t often found in today’s fickle sports landscape. And, c’mon, you watch TNT — dude’s one cool cat.

dswinder, Sons of Sam Malone: My favorite athlete of all-time is…Surprise, surprise…Tiger Woods.

The obvious, and very bandwagonish answer as to why — THE MAN IS UN-BE-FRIKKIN’-LIEVABLE! He’s on pace to shatter the all-time wins record, he has a smokin’ hot wife, and craps silver dollars and then wipes with Benjamins.

The 100% honest answer — I remember watching him win the Masters in ‘97. I had been interested in golf for awhile by then thanks to my granddad, but if there was any question as to my future as an obsessive fan of the game, that final Sunday sealed the deal and locked me in. Everything about it amazed me; from the margin of victory to the fist pump. Tiger was young, likable, and ready to take over the game. Even as a kid, I could just tell there was something special about him.

Now, I live and die with every shot the man takes. I literally hold my breath every time he takes the club away, and I feel no shame.

Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog: Cam Neely.

This guy was the best power forward in Hockey during the early 90’s. He made the Bruins relevant in Boston with his grit and his great skill on the ice. He just played with so much heart and is still a great guy in the community. He even scored 50 goals in 44 games in 1993-94 season.

Simon, SimonOnSports: My favorite athlete of all time is Chris Webber. Why because baggy shorts were cool and I was 9 so I picked up Michigan as a life long love. Nothing was sweeter than watching CWebb and the Wolverines fly up and down the court and dunk on every stupid Big Ten team. I followed him as a fan everywhere he’s gone which unfortunately does not include Tyra Banks’ Victoria’s Secrets. Plus, I have a sweet CWebb Bullets jersey.

DCScrap, Our Book of Scrap: Mine changes a lot, but until someone can do better than this ———————–>

He’s my fave.

DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool: Andrew Toney, shooting guard for the great Sixers’ teams of the early ’80s.

Andrew’s game was pure and perfect in its utter simplicity: he had a quicker first step than anyone who ever played basketball. So you either had to play off him and watch him nail jumpers with this fascinating cobra-twitch of a shot motion, or come out to guard him and watch him blow past you to the rack.

Andrew’s nickname was The Boston Strangler, which is also the coolest nickname ever. I will brook no arguments over this.

When Danny Ainge used to try to guard him, Andrew had this utter disdain in his body language, like he was insulted by Ainge’s very existence. (He wouldn’t be the last to have that reaction.) So the cobra strike would! hit, Ainge would flail and foul and look like the awkward awful white guy in your pick up game, and all would be well in the universe.

Sixer fans worshiped Julius Erving like a piece of art, admired Moses Malone for his sheer plowhorse rebounding, trust Mo Cheeks to always make the right play, and identify with the gawky defensive wonder that was Bobby Jones. But Andrew? We just loved him.

Like many of the treasured athletes in people’s memories, Andrew ended fast; persistent foot injuries and disagreements with the Sixers’ coaching and medical staff led him to a bitter and early retirement, and he hasn’t been back much since. I think this actually adds to his appeal, since no one ever had to watch him without all of his gifts, and the low profile adds to the mystery. In the early 90s, as I finally had enough scratch and the means to go to Sixers games on my own and the team was horrifying, I’d just imagine what things would be like if that 22 jersey came thr! ough the doors.

Since those ’80s teams were loaded and balanced , Andrew rarely had the big scoring averages that transcend the era; it’s rare to think of a guy with a career 15.9 scoring average as your favorite player ever. Which, well, makes it even better. You had to see him.

Don, With Malice…: David Campese, Australian Rugby Team (The Wallabies) winger.

Perhaps the best winger to ever play the game, Campo had an instinctive brilliance about him. He used his patented “goose step” – a high kick stutter-stepping motion – to befuddle defenders, and get past pretty much anyone the game had to offer. Hailed by even his opponents as amazing, in his first tour of rugby powerhouse New Zealand, even their legendary winger Stu Wilson was said to have nightmares about Campese – and Campo at the ripe ol’ age of 19.

In later years, his zig-zag run at Welsh center Robert Ackerman in Cardiff, Wales is considered to be pure artistry – even the home crowd leapt to their feet to applaud… and at this stage he’s only 22 (clip of Campese turning Ackerman left & right).

Campese was brilliant, daring… but also flawed. The risks he took sometimes didn’t pay dividends, tho’ more often than not they did. He sums up what’s great about Australian rugby – the slashing back, the devil-may-care run.

Liston, Introducing Liston: My favorite athlete of all time is Jesus Christ. He was/will be a stud (again). Now, I know that we don’t have any actual proof that Jesus played any sports (Is getting crucified a sport?), but could anybody conceivably be better at anything, let alone sports, than the Son of God? Maybe Tim Duncan, but that’s about it. Come to think of it, yes, Tim Duncan is probably better than Jesus at everything. I mean, he’s Timothy-frigg’n-Duncan! He’s won like, a thousand championship and scored about a billion points! I’ve changed my mind. Forget Jesus, my favorite athlete of all time is Tim Duncan.

So, who is your favorite, and why?

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