TONY GONZALEZ WILL BLOCK WHEN YOU CALL PLAYS HE LIKES

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

Tony Gonzalez will have you know this – if you don’t call a play he likes, he’s not particularly interested in running it. In Mike Silver’s story at Yahoo! Sports, he outlined a potential controversy within the Kansas City Chiefs, and possibly unearthed a brand new one along the way.

Chiefs running back Priest Holmes recently came back from the dead to suit up, much to the chagrin of starter Larry Johnson, who isn’t exactly known for his positive, mature attitude.

This development could possibly rankle Johnson, and Silver quoted one unnamed Chiefs veteran as saying that the situation could get ugly if a running back controversy erupts.

Silver then talked to Tony Gonzalez, who said some odd things. For instance, he thought if the team had been able to score 24 points a game all season, “we’d be undefeated, and people would be talking about us along with the Patriots and the Colts.”

That seems to be going a little far, but okay, I get the point. However, when he was asked why else they weren’t undefeated, Gonzalez expressed his dissatisfaction at offensive coordinator Mike Solari’s play-calling. He then unleashed this gem: “But the bottom line is, if a play is called we’ve got to execute it, myself included. On one play today, I didn’t like the call and I didn’t block my guy, and we didn’t get the first down. That’s on me.”

Yes, Tony. That is on you. Way to give 100% effort.

I’m sure whoever got crushed by the defender Gonzalez failed to block will appreciate the fact he got thrown to the ground because Gonzalez was acting like a 4 year old.

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100 MOST INFLUENTIAL SPORTS EDUCATORS

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

What is a “sports educator?” Good question. I have no idea, but apparently there are a lot of them, because something called the Institute for International Sport has just named it’s “100 Most Influential Sports Educators”, along with it’s “15 Most Influential Sports Education Teams in America.”

The thing is, the criteria is a bit, well, vague: “The core criteria for selection in each category was the effective use of sport as a means to educate.

Educate people how? On the proper way to swing a golf club? The history of water polo? It’s a bit unclear. Some are obvious, like athletes who started foundations, and others are not so obvious, like philosophy professors and Vivian C. Stringer.

And selecting this list wasn’t just some minor undertaking. According to the press release, the institute took three years to determine the list.

Apparently, this was quite a big deal as well. At least it was to Mike Krzyzewski, who wrote this letter in appreciation of the honor.

Without further delay, here are some of the winners, in alphabetical order. Congratualtions to them all for teaching people … stuff.

2. Agassi, Andre, Former World No. 1 tennis player and founder of the Andre Agassi Charitable Foundation.

5. Beaney, Bill, Head Men’s Hockey Coach at Middlebury College.

7. Bettis, Jerome, Former NFL all-star, and Founder of the “Cyber Bus” program.

10. Brand, Dr. Myles, Executive Director of the NCAA.

17. Costas, Bob, Emmy award winning sportscaster, commentator and sports historian.

19. DeFord, Frank, Author and commentator and a Senior Contributing Writer at Sports Illustrated.

25. Farrey, Tom, Senior Writer with ESPN the Magazine and ESPN.com.

39. Jackson, Phil, Head Coach of the Los Angeles Lakers.

43. Joyner-Kersee, Jackie, Olympic Gold Medalist and Founder of the Jackie Joyner-Kersee Foundation.

49. Krzyzewski, Mike, Head Men’s Basketball Coach at Duke University.

62. Paterno, Joe, Head Football Coach at Penn State University.

64. Priest, Laurie, Chair of Physical Education and Director of Athletics at Mount Holyoke College.

67. Ridl, Jack, Sports poet and professor at Hope College.

72. Russell, Bill, NBA Hall of Fame Basketball Player, author and lecturer.

80. Stringer, Vivian, Head Women’s Basketball Coach at Rutgers University.

85. Simon, Robert, Professor of Philosophy at Hamilton College.

95. Wolff, Alexander, Author and Senior Staff writer for Sports Illustrated.

98. Woods, Tiger, Professional golfer and the founder of the Tiger Woods Foundation and the Tiger Woods Learning Center.

Also, here are some of “The 15 Most Influential Sports Education Teams in America.” Unfortunately, Deadspin and other blogs did not make the list. Oh, well, there’s always next year.

2. ESPN “Outside the Lines” – Captain Ronnie Forchheimer – ESPN’s “Outside the Lines” is dedicated to insightful coverage of a variety of topics concerning all aspects of sports.

5. New York Times Sports Columnist/Writers – Co-Captains Thomas A. Jolly and William Pennington- A brilliant group of sports journalists who devote significant attention to a variety of sports education issues.

7. HBO Real Sports – Co-Captains Ross Greenburg and Bryant Gumbel- HBO Real Sports has earned 15 sports Emmys and has been frequently described as one of TV’s best sports programs in history.

14. USA Today Sports Columnists/Writers – Captain Monte Lorell – Wide ranging and extremely insightful coverage of sports education issues by an exceptional team of sports journalists.

15. USA Track and Field – Captain Craig Masback – USA Track and Field is the National Governing Body for track and field which administers major educational programs such as Zero Tolerance and the Be a Champion Program.

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BULLFIGHTING – FALLING ON HARD TIMES

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

Remember the good old days when you were a kid and you looked forward to getting out of school each day so you could run home and watch bullfighting? Me neither, but some kids do. They live in one of those countries where a nice meal consists of two beetles and a glass of brown “water,” but still, they took joy out of it. Unfortunately for them (but fortunately for the bulls), bullfighting is under attack for, well, stabbing animals repeatedly.

This news comes from Spain:

“A new study just published by the Altarriba Foundation is set to strengthen growing opposition to bullfighting in Spain by revealing that every Spanish family is paying 47 € a year to support the so-called ‘National Fiesta’ … Altarriba Foundation spokesperson, Matilde Figuroa, commented that in the end the bullfighters will almost be public civil servants.”

By the way, 47 Euros is about $66 in America.

All this comes after a state run broadcast company took bullfighting off the air for the first time in 51 years, though some people aren’t happy about it.

Meanwhile, in France, opposition to bullfighting is gaining legs:

“Zaradny, the president of the anti-corrida committee, sees signs of growing opposition. The mainstream media in France has taken up her cause and French celebrities also have been signing anti-corrida petitions. Major cities, including Marseille and Barcelona, have banned bullfights altogether.”

Then there’s this in South Korea – performance bonuses! It’s not bullfighting in the traditional sense, as the article explains that the bulls “fight each other by locking horns and trying to push each other backwards. The first beast to back off is the loser.”

Still, the better they do, the more ca$h they see:

“South Korea’s rare fighting bulls are to get a performance-based “salary” to prevent them bashing each other too badly in the ring.

Each of the 100 or so bulls competing in the league at Jinju, a town near the central south coast, will get between five million won (5,400 dollars) and 10 million in the first year of the scheme.”

So, apparently it’s getting a lot better to be born a bull nowadays. Less getting stabbed, and more money. Seems like a win-win to me.

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HOUSE OF MIRRORS: WOULD YOU RETURN YOUR MEDAL?

by DCScrap, Our Book of Scrap

History is full of great debate. Questions that remain unanswered like “what came first the chicken or the egg?” or “can you get pregnant through anal?” Luckily for you – the huddled masses – Epic Carnival is here to settle these arguments once and for all. House of Mirrors is your favorite Carnies taking a look at one another and debating the mysteries of the universe.

This week the EC writers debate “If you were one of Marion Jones’ teammates on the relay team that won a medal, would you give it back?”

Bstone, Brahsome: Yeah. I’d attach it to the Civil Summons for the huge f**king class action suit that me and the rest of the team would drop on her ass. Punitive damages request of about $25 millions sounds about right.

DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool: Only if I could get a book deal out of it. Let’s face it, their names aren’t exactly tripping off the tongue here.

Mac G, Mac G’s World: Is it not a bronze? I would not give it back because I still do not trust the Germans, Russians or Easter European sprinters for being clean. Have you seen those women? I mean men.

Don, With Malice…: I’d give it back I guess, but I’d be pissed as all hell at Jones. Just as pissed that she’s broke now too, as any hope of recouping some money out of it’s gone too.

Sterling Gould, More Credible: I wouldn’t return my, because although our “team” performance was effected by someone that knowingly/unknowingly cheated, it’s not as if I did that to win my event. If everyone thought it to be morally unacceptable, I would return it. But unless that were to happen, the medal is mine. And I earned it.

Jacob, Vegas Watch: Being in the Olympics means you inevitably did a sh*tload of steroids yourself, so yes, I would give it back.

Simon, SimonOnSports: Hell no, I would just say a I lost it or maybe I would eBay the thing like OJ did to his Heisman Trophy. Nothing in this world is free.

Richie Rich, Home Run Derby: Hell no. If the IOC wanted it, they could go to eBay like everyone else.

WCT, Wasting Company Time: I would never give back my medal. Do the ‘89 oakland A’s have to give back their championship rings because their teammate was juicing? If I were Passion, I would have no problem keeping my medal, assuming Passion is clean.

Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond: I’d fish out a dead fetus from one of those abortion clinics I hang out at and put it in the box and return it. Kinda like the horse’s head move from The Godfather … but funnier.

Andrew, The Grand National Championships: No. You cannot force a team to give back any award for the mistakes of one person.

BOHChris, Blog of Hilarity: If my name were Passion Richardson, I’d never give sh*t back. Badass name.

So that’s three to return, and nine to keep.

What would you do? Tell us in the comments.

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WHO WINS FIRST? THE DOLPHINS, SAINTS OR RAMS?

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

The St. Louis Rams lost 34-31 to the Arizona Cardinals Sunday, and their record now stands at 0-5. They are one of three NFL teams yet to achieve a victory, along with the Miami Dolphins and New Orleans Saints.

The team is full of injured players. QB Marc Bulger, WR Isaac Bruce, RB Steven Jackson, SS Corey Chavous and CB Tye Hill – all starters – were out against the Cardinals. Not to mention two starters on the offensive line, OG Mark Setterstrom and OT Orlando Pace, are gone for the season.

Here’s how St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist Bernie Miklasz put it in his column:

“At some point, you just run out of things to say. Oh, I suppose I can work up a lather and fake some outrage and rip coach Scott Linehan and the Rams again. But near the end of the team’s 34-31 loss to Arizona on Sunday afternoon at The Ed, I turned to my buddy Bryan Burwell and confessed: I don’t know what to write about this anymore. I’m low on words, short on anger. It’s just a bad team.”

Down in New Orleans, the Saints lost 16-13 to the Carolina Panthers in another game QB Drew Brees struggled in. New Orleans Times-Picayune writer Mike Triplett delivered his opinion about the contest:

“A year ago, these Saints were labeled a ‘Team of Destiny.’ Their march deep into the playoffs was as magical as it was improbable, as if their fate had been pre-determined and nothing could stand in their way.

Well, that’s exactly what this season feels like. Only it’s exactly the opposite.”

Meanwhile, in Miami, the Dolphins lost to the Houston Texans 22-19 on a last second 57 yard field goal. Miami Herald columnist Armando Salguero said this about the team:

“Those good feelings of semi-accomplishment in that locker room are as misleading as the scent of a blooming flower in a sewer.

The Dolphins are still winless today. Only two other teams are failing as miserably as they are but those two — the Rams and Saints — have excuses because New Orleans is playing a first-place schedule and the entire Rams roster is seemingly on injured reserve.

The Dolphins? Cameron said they got a ‘heck of an effort,’ from Lemon. Lemon’s passer rating was 56.2.”

I’m not sure Rams and Saints fans would agree that their teams have “excuses,” but the point is clear – the Dolphins are bad. But how bad? Which of these three teams is worse? Who will win a game first?

One thing is certain: either the Rams or Saints will have a victory by week 10, as the two teams play each other in New Orleans that week. Unless, of course, they tie.

For comparison, here is how the teams rank in the NFL in offense and defense:

Total Offense – Yards Per Game
19. Miami – 318.8
22. New Orleans – 307.3
27. St. Louis – 287.4

Points Per Game
18. Miami – 19.4
27. St. Louis – 14.0
29. New Orleans – 12.8

Total Defense – Yards Allowed Per Game
16. New Orleans – 327.3
24. Miami – 345.8
27. St. Louis – 356.0

Points Allowed Per Game
26. St. Louis – 27.4
28. Miami – 28.2
29. New Orleans – 29.8

So neither the Rams, Saints or Dolphins can play offense or defense. Gotcha. But what about their remaining games – do they offer any reason for optimism?

Looking at the Saints schedule and considering their talent, it seems likely the Saints would be the first of these three teams to win a game. The most likely scenario has them beating Atlanta at home in two weeks, or St. Louis at home in week 10.

The Dolphins schedule actually offers some hope. Their next game is against the Browns, they have winnable home games against the Giants and Bengals, and they still have three games against the Bills and Jets.

The Rams, on the other hand, have an extremely difficult slate of games remaining. Four of their next five are on the road, including the next two games against Baltimore and Seattle. Their schedule includes these opponents – Baltimore and Seattle (twice), San Francisco, Cincinnati, Green Bay and Pittsburgh. Their best chance for a win comes in week 8 against Cleveland or week 13 vs. Atlanta.

Three teams in a race to be less embarrassed than they were the week before …. And they’re off!

(Originally published 10/8)

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YOUTH FOOTBALL IS DANGEROUS – BUT NOT FOR THE KIDS

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

Watching kids play youth football can be a fun experience for the whole family – if you bring an arsenal of weaponry to protect yourself from the lunatics who surround it.

- A youth football coach got pretty pissed when the referee ended the game prematurely because of “violent behavior from the players and abusive language and threats by the coaching staff.” So what did he do? Just threatened the referee with the always intimidating “I got something for your ass,” and went and got a bag containing a .45 in it. He got arrested. (Washington Post)

- A woman named Madlyn Mapu was arrested at a youth football game, along with her nephew, for brawling over cheers she didn’t like:

“Most witnesses said the brawl started after Mapu grabbed a woman by the hair and began punching her in the face … Mapu swung an umbrella, striking a man and a woman … Mapu then ran toward another mother and father of players for the Thunder, grabbing the mother by the throat and punching her, police reports show.”

Of course the woman, who is Samoan, played the race card, claiming no white person would have been arrested for this. (Seattle Times)

- We’ll just let the newspaper report handle this one:

“A 42-year-old father, who police say was upset over the amount of playing time his son had in a football game, punched a Pop Warner coach, knocking Peter Van Ruitenbeek unconscious for about a half-hour, authorities said.” (Asbury Park Press)

- Warrants were put out for a man near Atlanta after he “allegedly flew into a rage during his son’s youth league football game because he claimed his son wasn’t getting enough playing time at running back. The man was banned from the league, but he showed up again – and police tried to write him a warning for disorderly conduct, until he fled the scene.

Nonetheless, he was soon found – after his wife called the cops on him for beating and choking her. He went to jail with charges from both incidents. (Atlanta Journal Constitution)

- Again, we’ll just let the newspaper account fill you in:

“Six people have been arrested and charged with rioting in connection with a brawl that broke out at a Pop Warner Football game … Police said a fight erupted in the bleachers around 9:30 p.m., about midway through the second quarter, and the Mayor’s Cup Football Game was canceled.”

Who knew the Mayor’s Cup was so important? (New Brunswick Home News Tribune)

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LOSING SUCKS – WHAT THEY’RE SAYING

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

Since there are only 16 games in an NFL season, people tend to take losing pretty hard. It’s not much fun to get disappointed on a weekly basis – I’m a Rams fan, so I’ve gotten to know that feeling very well this season.

To put some of those feelings into words, let’s call on some friendly neighborhood newspaper columnists to express themselves concerning the state of some of the teams who lost this weekend.

- St. Louis Rams, Bryan Burwell, St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “As the Rams continue on this cruel and inevitable march toward the pole position in the ‘08 NFL draft, nothing much seems to change from Sunday to Sunday. On this unsightly journey the scenery never alters. Wretched misfortune looms over the horizon, excruciating depression is gaining in their rear-view mirror, and buzzard’s luck is constantly riding shotgun.”

- Kansas City Chiefs, Jason Whitlock, Kansas City Star: “Jack Del Rio’s defensive staff outcoached Kansas City’s offensive staff. That fact was so obvious midway through the fourth quarter, by the time the Jags had taken a three-possession lead, the locals had had enough, emptying the 80,000-seat stadium and leaving The Punt-uda Triangle (Herm Edwards, Mike Solari and Dick Curl) to finish alone in the rain.”

- Atlanta Falcons, Steve Wyche, Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “They changed the quarterback and lost anyway. They changed the quarterback, had an opponent try to hand them two scoring drives in the final minutes and still did a faceplant. They changed the quarterback and the problems didn’t go away. The problems turned into Mount Vesuvius.”

- New Orleans Saints, Mike Triplett, New Orleans Times-Picayune: “Apparently the Saints had not yet hit rock bottom before Sunday’s embarrassing performance, because they reached a new low in this one.”

- Seattle Seahawks, Art Thiel, Seattle Post-Intelligencer: “After crushing the 49ers 23-3, the Seahawks were the crushees, 21-0. Only Marion Jones and USC kept the Seahawks from being the biggest sports frauds of the weekend.”

- Detroit Lions, Mitch Albom, Detroit Free Press: “Egg, laid. Here it was Sunday, fresh from the wet hen of a Lions offense that didn’t click and a Lions defense that didn’t attack. No touchdowns. No sacks. No win. All feathers.

- Miami Dolphins, Armando Salguero, Miami Herald: “Amid this pleasant atmosphere the Dolphins still stink of defeat. And those good feelings of semi-accomplishment in that locker room are as misleading as the scent of a blooming flower in a sewer.”

- Denver Broncos, Bernie Lincicome, Rocky Mountain News: “The Broncos must get better just to be competitive. Forget anything more, any further goals, any greater purpose than, oh, to name a couple of things, making a tackle, defending or catching a pass, holding onto the football, making a block, scoring a touchdown. Even one.”

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HIGH SCHOOL SPORTS – THE BASTION OF INNOCENCE?

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

You’ll often hear people complain about the state of professional and college sports, citing the Mike Vick’s, Bill Belichick’s and Barry Bonds’ of the world. These individuals proclaim with vigor that the only pure athletic endeavors take place on the fields of local high schools.

Obviously, that’s a load of bullsh*t:

- Nothing like a little recruiting scandal to get us going. The Sacramento Bee recently had a story about a coach in Stockton, California named Tom Verner, and his desperation to win. Seems he went all the way to the American Samoa islands (which are closer to Australia than the U.S.) to pay for players and their families to come to the U.S. and play football for him:

“Tom Verner face allegations of luring at least 10 players from American Samoa to block and tackle and win football games. (The governing body) has asserted Franklin coaches arranged airfare for the American Samoa teens and their parents, who were then put up in Stockton hotels just long enough to establish utility company accounts for houses they never intended to live in.

Once the accounts were set up, the section has asserted, those documents were used to register the students at Franklin. The parents then flew back to American Samoa, and their sons moved in with a Franklin assistant coach or a relative of the assistant, the section said.”

Surely, he was just trying to help some kids out. Right? Anybody?

- In Tampa, a high school football coach named Rick Rodriguez is a big Bill Belichick fan. The local Fox station had this report:

“Largo High School is being punished for an incident where a photographer was caught videotaping the signals from the opposing team’s bench.

The Florida High School Athletic Association is fining Largo $250 and issuing a public reprimand.

It comes after the brother of Largo Head Coach Rick Rodriguez was seen using a video camera to tape signals coming from the Countryside High School bench at a game earlier this year.”

Of all the ways to cheat, isn’t that the one he shouldn’t have been doing at this particular moment in time?

- How about some performance-enhancing drug news? Apparently, rugby is awful big around the world. As big as football is in America, that’s how Rugby is viewed in many other places, including South Africa. Also just like in America, people are cheating to gain an advantage. So goes the story in the South African newspaper the Daily Dispatch:

“Border schoolboy rugby has been hit by a doping scandal after one of its top players allegedly tested positive for a banned substance recently.

In what could become the biggest scandal to hit schoolboy rugby in the region, the 17-year-old Stirling High matric pupil allegedly tested positive during a random test taken at the U18 Craven Week held in Stellenbosch in July. The boy cannot be identified until he appears before a hearing.

So serious is the situation that the county’s rugby ruling body, the South African Rugby Union (Saru), will fly down a delegation to be part of the hearing and the Border Rugby Football Union will be represented by its general manager, Leon Botha.

If found guilty, the boy could be banned for life.”

Banned for life … think that’ll send a message?

- Finally, in Austin, Texas, the local NBC affiliate tells us this – too many kiddies are getting boo-boos, so the football program is going bye-bye:

“(The students) are seeking support to build their football team back up after their principal e-mailed staff, announcing the varsity football season was canceled, because too many players were getting hurt.”

After relenting a bit, the principal decided to go on a week-to-week basis with the games.

(Originally published 10/5)

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BILL BELICHICK HAS CORRUPTED AMERICA’S YOUTH

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

By now, we’re all comfortable with the fact that Patriots coach Bill Belichick is a cheat, and probably Lucifer’s son – or at least his second cousin.

Belichick brazenly displayed his cavalier attitude towards authority by blatantly videotaping his opposition’s sidelines in an effort to steal their signals and create an advantage. Only now are the repercussions truly being felt.

It was tolerable to the public when the only consequence was besmirching the integrity of the NFL. But now, his evil influence has reached all the way to high schools, according to the local Fox affiliate in Tampa Bay:

“Largo High School is being punished for an incident where a photographer was caught videotaping the signals from the opposing team’s bench.

The Florida High School Athletic Association is fining Largo $250 and issuing a public reprimand.”

Damn you, Bill Belichick. Damn you all the way to the fires of Hades.

Is there any doubt in anyone’s mind that this is all part of Belichick’s master plan? Corrupting the youth of America for his regalement is just step one in his scheme to take over the world, one small piece at a time.

Be forewarned, citizens. Belichick may come after your children next. There’s no telling what he might do to make his dream of world domination a reality.

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COMPLETELY RANDOM THOUGHTS

by Kyle Smith, Doberman On The Diamond

For some reason, I had a lot of thoughts this weekend my brain was like the monkey exhibit at the zoo – random shit everywhere. I will now present you with some of the most fascinating, mind-blowing musings in blog history … okay that’s not true. But here they are anyway.

- Colorado beats Oklahoma, Kansas State beats Texas. Maybe the Big 12 North doesn’t suck as bad as everyone thought, eh?

- I really wish I played rugby in Australia: “An anonymous Bulldogs player reportedly told a Sunday newspaper group sex or ‘gang banging’ was ‘nothing new’ for his club or for the code. A local film producer also told public radio this week of a rugby league player urinating on a makeup woman during filming of a commercial to promote the sport.”

- If you’ve never seen the 1936 propaganda film Reefer Madness, do yourself a favor and go rent it today. Freaking hilarious. Seriously, you’ll laugh your ass off. Especially if you’re high. But don’t get the updated version. Watch the one from ‘36 – they even have it in color if you don’t like black and white movies.

- There are no dominant teams in college football this year – and it’s made this the best year of football I can remember.

- NCAA ‘08 is better than Madden ‘08. By far.

- Chief Justice Clarence Thomas had an extended interview on 60 Minutes last night. The most interesting thing about it? I noticed he and Darth Vader, aka James Earl Jones, have exactly the same laugh.

- Rams coach Scott Linehan is a joke and I hate him.

- Chargers fans think Norv Turner is a joke and they hate him.

- One month until college basketball season!

- My left hand hurts right now for some reason.

- Analysts who use sabermetrics in football are wasting their time.

- Is there a week the New York Giants aren’t on national T.V.? Enough already.

- Curb Your Enthusiasm is funnier this season than last season. Having the Blacks (that’s the family’s name, so calm down) move in with Larry? Brilliant.

- The National League playoffs have some very boring teams to watch. The Phillies are fun, but only in that pinball machine they call a stadium.

- I’m as big a Prison Break fan as there is, but come on, he’s got to break out of another jail? Haven’t we been there/done that in season 1?

- Hockey started. Just an FYI.

- Due to left hand injury, that is all of the thoughts I can think.

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