RANDOM OBSERVATIONS : COLTS @ JAGUARS, SECOND HALF EDITION

by Davey, Blown Coverage

The Jags looked like sh*t on a stick in that first half. To make things worse, it looks like Garrard will be replaced by Quinn Gray again. That’s pretty deflating if you ask me. Not only are the Jags down 17, but their comeback is riding on the arm of Quinn Gray.

Speaking of deflating, Espn just reminded me that Tom Brady put up 6 touchdowns on my Dolphins and that Ronnie Brown is out for the year. Right now I’m as limp as Bob Dole without his Viagra. It’s pretty sad really. Either way, the second half is about to get underway and I could certainly use the distraction…

• Well, this is exactly what the Jags need. MJD takes the opening kick-off and gets a great return into Indy territory. That was a nasty move he put on Vinatieri. That’s the type of move that will make a guy lose his manhood.

• Touchdown Jags. Jacksonville realizes that they’ll need to run the ball if they’re going to have a chance and that’s just what they did on this drive. MJD churns those powerful legs and works his way into the endzone. Tony Dungy is challenging that MJD fumbled but the call stands. Indy 17, Jacksonville 7 and we might have a game here.

• Colts starting left tackle Tony Ugoh is on the sidelines and the backup tackle Charlie Johnson is getting used by Paul Spicer like a cheap hooker. Spices pressures Manning twice in a row and if Ugoh doesn’t return soon, Manning might be having unwanted sex with Spicer before the night is over.

• Speaking of unwanted sex, the Colts answer right back. Hunter Smith pins the Jags deep into their territory with a good punt and Dwight Freeney takes advantage by sacking Quinn Gray for a safety. Quinn absolutely did not have a chance on that one and the result is that Indy now leads 19-7.

• In the meantime, Rusell Crowe has joined the booth and I see no reason why this should have happened. The only way that Crowe can earn some points in my book right now would be by making his way down to the field right now and stabbing Manning in his throwing shoulder with a rusty pocket knife.

• Paul Spicer has been all over Manning since Ugoh has left the game with his unknown injury and I’m sure that Kenny Chesney is not liking this. The fact that a rather large gentleman is constantly riding Manning to the ground must be making Chesney as jealous as a 16 year old girl. That said, Tony Ugoh is showing his worth tonight…

• The Jags defensive line comes up big and stops Indy in the redzone. Vinatieri tacks on another short field goal and it’s a 22-7 lead now for Indy. Jacksonville is still down only by 15 even though they have been thoroughly outplayed so far.

• Quinn Gray’s last 4 pass attempts. Interception, Incomplete pass, Complete pass for -2 yards and a Safety. Can’t say that I’m surprised folks..

• Oh, and there’s another interception. Gray tries to go deep but the pass is underthrown and Kelvin Hayden comes down with an easy pick. Quinn Gray is not endearing himself to the locals here.

• Reggie Wayne is having one hell of a game tonight. Even though he doesn’t have any touchdowns, he’s over 100 yards and he’s making one great catch after another. Marvin Harrison might get all the pub, but I’d take Wayne on my team any day. Reggie Wayne belongs in that elite receiver group.

• Brian Williams picks off Peyton Manning and Jags might still have some hope here. Manning’s pass got tipped at the line by Rob Meier and after the ball got bobbled some, it ended up in Williams’ hands. The Jags are still only down 15 and they need to get something going here.

• Nevermind that I guess. Gray leads a crappy drive and the Jags turn it over on downs. If I’m Jack Del Rio, I’d just stick Matt Jones in at quarterback right now because I don’t see how he could do any worse than Gray right now. Quinn Gray makes J.P. Losman look like Carson Palmer.

• And there’s the ballgame. Manning finds a wide open Dallas Clark and that should do it. Colts lead 29-7 with under 4 minutes to go and this one looks to be decided.

• Oh, speaking of Matt Jones. Jones is growing his beard and vowing not to shave until he scores a touchdown. Jones will probably end up looking like this guy because I really don’t see him scoring anytime soon. He’ll be seeing a razor blade as much as I’ll be seeing happiness.

• This is just sad right now. Gray is just randomly chucking up passes and hoping that they land somewhere near his receivers. And right as I type this, Gray gets sacked and that should do it. Colts take over and are a knee or two away from running this clock out.

• So that’s it. Colts go to 7-0 and the build up to their November 4th match-up with New England will be sickening. Well, I’m done here. The only thing left for today is violent masturbation and I’m not going to keep it waiting any longer.

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RANDOM OBSERVATIONS : COLTS @ JAGUARS, FIRST HALF EDITION

by Davey, Blown Coverage

Holy crap. Monday Night Football. Colts at Jags. My pants are wetter than a midget in a swimming pool. We all know the stories here. The Jags hate the Colts and probably play them harder than any other team does. I hate the Colts and therefore I’ll be rooting for Jacksonville tonight. See, simple math really.

It hurts to write this but I’m expecting Indy to win this one. They’re coming off of a bye, it’s prime time and they know that the Jags will be gunning for them. It might be close, but I sadly think that Indy will win here. For fantasy purposes I have Reggie Wayne, Marvin Harrison and Fred Taylor. Tirico, Jaws and Kornheiser are the commentators and we are ready to go..

• Espn starts things off by showing this little segment with Steve Carrel where Carell is asked to give advice to the Jags defense on how to stop the Indy offense. Carell offers up plenty of options which include bludgeoning Manning with a stick but the best one by far was the option of getting Peyton pregnant. Meanwhile Peter King nods his head and offers to seed that soil.

• Reggie Nelson almost picks off a Manning pass when Peyton tries to connect with Marvin Harrison off of the play-action. If I’m Nelson, I’d be concentrating on connecting my helmet a few times with Marvin’s sore knee right now.

• Espn shows a graphic that says that Hunter Smith has punted 13 times so far this season. I don’t know what’s more surprising, seeing Hunter Smith’s cool goatee or the fact that this Colts offense has actually been forced to punt 13 times this season.

• David Garrard leads one of his receivers and the poor guy gets destroyed by Kelvin Hayden. I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t know who that Jags receiver was…

• And there’s another Hunter Smith punt. We’re about midway through the first quarter and Smith has already had to do more than he usually does in an entire game.

• Jaws mentions that when the Jags ran for over 300 yards on Indy last season, that it was mainly because Bob Sanders wasn’t playing. Kornheiser jumps in and sarcastically refers to Sanders as Chuck Norris because he can single handedly stop the Jaguars running game. I fully expect Kornheiser to get a roundhouse kick to the sternum within the next 5 minutes because he used Norris’ name without permission.

• And the Colts strike first. Indy puts a nice drive together and Kenton Keith finishes it off with a strong touchdown run. So with all of Indy’s offensive weapons, the first touchdown goes to Kenton Keith, a guy who my fantasy opponent is starting today. Awesome. My life is one big party. Indy 7, Jax 0.

• David Garrard gets sacked and takes a helmet to the knee. It looks like it could be a knee injury but it could also be his ankle that got rolled up. Garrard is going to be taken out and the great Quinn Gray will make an appearance. This will surely make the Jags feel good about their chances tonight.

• Yup, and Quinn Gray shows why he is Quinn Gray. Gray tries to get cheeky on his first pass attempt and it’s picked off by Bob Sanders. For those of you who wonder why Quinn Gray has been a third stringer for most of his career…well, there’s your answer.

• After Peyton connects on a long pass to Reggie Wayne, he finishes off the drive with quarterback sneak touchdown and that was pretty gay if you ask me. Meanwhile, David Garrard is getting ready to get back in the game and I can’t blame him. A crippled Garrard is still a notch above Quinn Gray. Colts 14, Jags 0.

• Garrard is hobbling around and he is not looking good out there. The Jags offense gets stopped again and this one might get out of hand if they don’t get a stop here.

• The Colts drive into Jaguars territory but the drive comes to an end when Kenton Keith fails to catch a pass that was tossed in his direction. Peyton is furious at Keith for not catching that and that was probably the most “PG-13″ scolding that Keith has ever gotten in his life. Vinatieri adds a short field goal and the Colts lead 17-0.

• And there’s halftime. The Jags defense got off to a strong start but the lethargic offense is not helping their cause and the Colts are taking advantage of that. If the Jags don’t come out firing, this one will be over very soon…

* Image courtesy of Boxofficeprophets.com

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THAT’S SURELY NOT GOING TO END WELL

by Davey, Blown Coverage

So, what’s the proper way to react after your team gets hammered 58-10? Well, you get hammered yourself, you take out Junior and you take a piss on the bar of a tavern.

That’s basically what Baylor assistant coach Eric Schnupp did after the Bears got their asses handed to them by Kansas on Saturday.

Bartender Danny Severe said in Tuesday’s editions of the Waco Tribune-Herald that the incident happened around closing time and that Schnupp apparently thought no one was watching him as employees were moving patrons out of the building.

Severe said an employee witnessed Schnupp urinating on the bar, and a manager told police officers who were there for an unrelated matter.

Severe said Schnupp had taken several shots of hard liquor, most bought for him by other people.

Now, I’ve never urinated on a bar before so I’m no expert on this matter, but I’m thinking that Rupp had some better options here to work with.

1. Take a leak in the bathroom.
2. Take a leak on the floor.
3. Take a leak in your pants
4. Take a leak in some foreigner’s taxi cab.
5. Take a leak in your car.
6. Take a leak outside.
7. Take a leak behind the bar.
8. Take a leak on some hooker.
9. Take a leak on some homeless guy.
10. Just hold it.

Anything that does not include pissing on the bar is a good option in this case. Pissing while standing on the bar basically assures you of getting caught and getting interaction with an officer of the law.

I really don’t see any scenario in which standing up and taking a piss on the bar will end up good for you. Well, unless the bartender is Michael Strahan and then he’d probably enjoy seeing a big drunk man drain the lizard on top of his bar.

Either way, I’m surprised that this offense only carries a $258 dollar fine. But hey, I avoid law class like David Carr avoids his receivers so what do I know about misdemeanors…

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RANDOM OBSERVATIONS : PATRIOTS @ COWBOYS, SECOND HALF EDITION

by Davey, Blown Coverage

New England looked to blow it wide open early but Dallas got a very big turnover on the Brady sack and fumble and has managed to keep it very close here. I’m feeling pretty good now about my Dallas pick but I wouldn’t be surprised if New England suddenly just says screw it and starts pulling away.

Well, whatever. Like I said, its been a crappy day and I just want some cheap thrills right now. Wade Phillips could eat some chicken wings on the sideline while dancing Soulja Boy and it would probably be enough for me.

• The second half is underway and it starts pretty crummy for the Pats. Sammie Morris gets banged up and Tom Brady gets sacked again and the Pats have to punt. With Maroney already on the sidelines, the Pats can’t really afford to lose Morris right now.

• The Cowboys have the ball and Julius Jones reminds us that he still exists. Jones busts off two decent runs and I guess that he has surpassed his season total of rushing yards with those two carries.

• See, good things happen when Julius Jones runs the ball. The drive ends up with a Tony Romo touchdown to Patrick Crayton and Dallas suddenly leads 24-21. Jim Nantz reminds us that this the first time that the Patriots are trailing in the second half all season and that is pretty damn impressive if you ask me. Tony Romo is jumping around like a little girl and we have ourselves a ballgame folks.

• Terrence Newman just devoured Randy Moss. Moss caught a short pass and Newman just gobbled him up like Pacman. Kids, if you want to grow up to be a NFL defensive back…well, that’s how you tackle a wide receiver.

• 1st and goal for the Pats and Mike Vrabel and Junior Seau are in for New Enland. The Dallas defense keys in on Vrabel and it leaves Kyle Brady wide open for a touchdown. Not surprisingly, it’s Roy Williams who was caught in no-mans land again. New England is back up in front 28-24.

• Holy. Crap. Marion Barber just busted the craziest run of the season and it only went for 2 yards. Barber was stuffed in the backfield, the Pats defense backed him into the endzone and seemed to have him wrapped up for a safety but Barber just refused to go down. Barber broke about 8 tackles, ran across the endzone and still manage to get out and make it a 2 yard gain. Barber just decided that he was not going to give up a safety right there and 20 guys weren’t going to bring him down. Amazing.

• Huge play here. Brady connects with Moss on a long pass and Moss makes a great catch in the endzone while falling out of bounds. Dallas challenges the play and it’s ruled an incomplete pass. But there’s a roughing the passer penalty on the play and the Pats still get a first down and great field position.

• The Raiders have suddenly made a game of it out there in San Diego. Culpepper finds Zach Miller for a 1-yard touchdown and it’s suddenly down to a 21-14 San Diego lead. And no, I’m still not convinced that Culpepper is all the way back…

• Dallas keeps New England to a field goal and the Pats now up their lead to 31-24. The Cowboys needs to answer here or else the Pats will start to pull away.

• Oh man, Marion Barber is running with anger out there. He just delivered a stiff arm to just about everyone in the stadium on that run. If there’s one guy I would not want to tackle, it’s Marion Barber. He just wants to deliver as much punishment as he can when he’s carrying the rock. That guy would stiff arm his grandmother if she was lining up for the opponent.

• Gutsy call here by Dallas. The fourth quarter starts and Dallas decides to go for it on 4th and 1 right around midfield. Marion Barber burst through the line for the first down but a holding call with bring it back and Dallas will punt. Big break for New England right there.

• Remember my theory that when you start Vinnie Testaverde that your team gets automatically eliminated from contention? Well, Testaverde just shoved that bad boy right down my throat as he connects on a long touchdown pass to Steve Smith and the Panthers look to be headed for a victory. I guess that dinner will be crow tonight…

• Speaking of long touchdown passes….Brady finds Donte Stallworth for a 69-yard touchdown and it’s suddenly a 38-24 lead for New England. They are going to beat my Dolphins into oblivion next week. The commish might want to spare us and just give the Pats the victory right now. There’s really no reason to even play that game.

• The Cowboys took the ensuing kick-off deep into New England territory but the Pats defense holds. Dallas chooses to go for a field goal and the crowd is not happy. Pats lead 38-27 and Dallas needs a turnover right now.

• Wes Welker now has 9 catches for 116 yards and 2 Td’s. Nope, Miami really does not need him. No sir…

• Brady throws another Td pass but this one’s called back due to offensive pass interference. The Pats add a field goal to make the lead 41-27 and with under 4 minutes left, this one looks to be over. Dallas needs an epic comeback here but their not playing the Bills so that might be a problem.

• And there it is. Romo gets intercepted by Junior Seau and that comeback attempt lasted about 10 seconds. New England takes over and my Dallas pick was blatantly wrong.

• Replay shows Rodney Harrison laughing while pointing at Romo and saying something to Romo after the interception. Rodney was just reminding Romo that he’s in a good mood and that he’s not going to tear his ACL’s for him today.

• The Pats decide that they haven’t scored enough today and they tack on a rushing touchdown with about 20 seconds left. It’s 48-27 and not even the Bills could blow a lead like this. New England could put up a 100 next week against Miami if they wanted to.

• And that’s it. New England reminds everyone that they are a class ahead of everyone as they go into Dallas and destroy Dallas 48-27. That November 4th match-up with the Colts is going to be crazy.

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RANDOM OBSERVATIONS : PATRIOTS @ COWBOYS, FIRST HALF EDITION

by Davey, Blown Coverage

So this is it. Two of the three undefeated teams going head-to-head in what could be a possible Super Bowl preview. To say that my erection is massive right now is quite the understatement. We all know the storylines here. Tom Brady has been nearly perfect so far, Tony Romo has to bounce back from the 6 turnover game against Buffalo and there’s Moss versus Owens.

I have Dallas picked to win for some reason and I guess it has to do with the fact that they ended Indy’s unbeaten streak last season and because they’re at home.

Either way, I just saw my Dolphins take another pounding and right now I just want to be entertained with a decent game. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are our commentators and we are underway…

• Holy crap. New England goes for the homerun ball on their first offensive play but Brady overthrows Randy Moss. It was a fake reverse and Moss had a few steps on the defender but Brady just missed that one. Not something you can say very often about the Stetson man.

• The Pats are in the redzone and the pass goes incomplete after Brady and Jabar Gaffney get their signals crossed up. When you have Moss, Stallworth, Welker and Benjamin Watson, I see no reason why you would even have Gaffney on the field. There must of been a mix up there or Bill Belichick just feels like toying with the Cowboys today.

• And there’s the touchdown. Brady realizes that he has Randy Moss to throw to and finds him in the endzone for the score. Pats lead 7-0, Moss catches his eight TD pass of the year and the camera finds Terrell Owens writing another letter to the media.

• Rodney Harrison sacks Tony Romo and the Cowboys have to punt. Harrison then takes out a gun and empties it into Romo’s chest and then follows that by telling us that he’s not a dirty player.

• DeMarcus Ware just had a strangest sack I’ve seen in a long time. Ware must have thought that Brady already threw the ball when he got there and he just shoved Brady and Brady went to the ground. You just don’t see the shove-sack that much anymore…

• Dreamboat connects with Benjamin Watson for a 29-yard completion and it was Roy Williams that got burned by Benjamin. I mean, how much longer before Roy Williams gets moved to linebacker because the man can’t even cover my dead hamster.

• And just like that it’s 14-0. Brady finds Wes Welker for a 35-yard touchdown pass and I’m happy that my Dolphins didn’t think it was necessary to resign Welker in the off-season. Speaking of my Dolphins, they’ll be playing New England next week and the Patriots should be favored by about 35 in that one.

• The camera man shows us Robert Kraft sitting in his suite and sharing a snack with Kate Hudson. So, it’s not enough that he’s filthy rich and headed for his 4th Super Bowl this decade, but he gets to spend his afternoon with Kate Hudson while his team dismantles the Cowboys in front of a national audience. Meanwhile I’m shirtless, flacid and my only companions are severe depression and a bunny that hates me.

• Marion Barber leads a decent Dallas drive and it finished with a field goal from the guy with the massive testicles. New England leads 14-3 and I feel pretty stupid for picking Dallas right now.

• With Kurt Warner and David Carr both hurt, the Cards-Panthers game now has Vinny Testaverde and Tim Rattay at quarterback. I would make a joke right here but that would be mean on my part. It would be like making fun of a crippled baby.

• Oh crap, what a turn of events. The Pats try a flea flicker and Brady just overthrows Moss in the endzone. A slightly better throw from Brady and its a touchdown. On the very next play the Cowboys force a Brady fumble and its returned 29 yards for a touchdown. Instead of it being 21-3, its a 14-10 game and the Cowboys have a little something called momentum.

• We get a shot from Wade Phillips’ dad Bum Phillips sitting in the crowd. I’ve been wanting to change my name to “Bum” for years now and this actually convinces me even more that I should do it. People called “Bum” just enjoy life more I guess.

• And the Patriots answer right back. Brady finds Welker for his second touchdown and New England leads 21-10. I’ll say it again, it’s just lovely that my Dolphins gave up on this Welker guy.

• Tony Romo ain’t shy about slinging passes out there. Romo’s leading the Cowboys on a nice drive down the field and he’s just zipping passes in there to Jason Witten. If I had thrown 5 interceptions on a Monday Night game, I’d probably develop some sort of phobia and I would have shoved my throwing arm right up my colon.

• Touchdown Dallas. New England gambles by bringing everyone on the blitz and Romo just manages to get it to Terrell Owens. Two Pats defenders hit into each other and Owens prances into the endzone. New England 21, Dallas 17, there’s 40 seconds to go in the first half and this is exactly what we expected from this game.

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NOT AGAIN…

by Davey, Blown Coverage

I like Jason Whitlock. I really do. He’s one of the best sports journalists out there, he speaks his mind, he always brings great stuff to the table but there’s one topic that I can’t really agree on with the big guy and that is Jeff George…

Last year the Raiders decided that it would be a good idea to give Jeff George a try and Whitlock absolutely loved it. Whitlock followed that by writing an article praising George and in the end it was just weird and awkward, much like my puberty. Seriously, that was one of the strangest things I have ever read.

Well, now that the Panthers were dumb enough to sign 97-year old Vinny Testaverde a few days ago, Jason felt the need to argue on George’s behalf again…

6. Vinny Testaverde can sneak back into the league at age 43, but my boy Jeff George can’t get a look at 39.

That ain’t right.

Jeff George’s arm is still stronger and more accurate than all but a handful of NFL quarterbacks. He’s in great shape. He still throws. He still wants to play. He’s not a threat to mankind.

Look, the dude made some mistakes during his career. But he doesn’t deserve a lifetime ban.

See, here’s the thing. Testaverde shouldn’t even be given a chance to “sneak back” into the league. Carolina’s signing of Testaverde doesn’t make it acceptable for other teams to pull this sh*t. Turning to George or Testaverde basically eliminates you from contention immediately, something I mentioned earlier.

Whitlock keeps arguing that George’s arm is stronger and more accurate than mostly everyone that’s playing quarterback right now but I’m not too sure about that. I mean, if George is really that super awesome, he’d be starting somewhere right now.

In Atlanta, they’re going back and forth between Joey Harrington and Byron Leftwich. Minnesota’s probably better off by placing a dead raccoon under center. Cleveland traded its opening day starter after the first game. Miami relied on a comatose Trent Green for the first four weeks. Seriously, if George was that amazing, one of these teams would have had him starting right now.

And remember this, George got cut from the Raiders last season. A team on its way to the worst record in the league and the first overall pick (which they used on a qb). George failed to impress while surrounded by Aaron Brooks, Andrew Walter and Josh McCown. Not exactly Marino, Elway and Aikman if you ask me.

So yes, I think that that shows us that Jeffrey ain’t so spiffy with the forward pass anymore.

(Originally published 10/11)

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THE CAROLINA PANTHERS ARE OFFICIALLY DONE

by Davey, Blown Coverage

After the Carolina Panthers had signed 83-year old Vinny Testaverde a few days ago, it spawned a new rule which I now like to call “the Testaverde Rule”. See, the Testaverde Rule is simple. It immediately eliminates any any team which has a quarterback depth chart that wouldn’t even scare a team of amputee midgets.

With Jake Delhomme done for the year, the Panthers now a have a qb depth chart that includes a gimpy David Carr, Matt Moore (an undrafted rookie) and Testaverde, a guy that is so damn old that he won the Heisman the same year that his teammate Dwayne Jarrett was born. Wrap your mind around that if you can.

So basically, the Panthers are done. I don’t care what your record is, how your schedule looks like or how good the other players are on your team. When this is your depth at quarterback, you are done my friend. Carolina could have the 2000 Ravens on defense and the ‘99 Rams at the other positions on offense…but if Vinny is back there under center, you might as well call it a day.

But besides the Panthers, there are other teams that we can also apply the “Testaverde Rule” to. Minnesota (Tarvaris Jackson, Kelly Holcomb, Brooks Bollinger), Atlanta (Harrington, Leftwich, Chris Redman) and Miami (Trent Green’s corpse, some guy called Cleo Lemon, rookie John Beck) immediately come to mind.

San Francisco (an injured Alex Smith, what’s left of Trent Dilfer and Shaun Hill) and Kansas City (Damon Huard, Brodie Croyle, Tyler Thigpen) are also closely hovering around that Testaverde zone.

Seriously, if you are a Panthers fan, how can this AP article not make you stab yourself in the colon…

Vinny Testaverde won the Heisman Trophy the same year his new Carolina teammate Dwayne Jarrett was born. He was the No. 1 overall pick eight years before the Panthers entered the NFL.

He’s thrown more passes than have been thrown in Carolina’s history. He’s also nearly four years older than his offensive coordinator.

Yet the soon-to-be 44-year-old Testaverde — the man nicknamed “Dad” by his new teammates — could start Sunday for the banged-up Panthers at Arizona.

“I’m just surprised that people are still interested in a 44-year old quarterback that hasn’t played in five or six weeks,” Testaverde said Wednesday, with his gray sideburns visible under his baseball cap.

Yes sir, a 44 year old that hasn’t played in five or six weeks. Congratulations Carolina, you’ve just signed the only guy that could make Trent Green look young and rejuvenated. We’ll see you in 2008.

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NICK FOLK’S GENITALS ARE BIGGER THAN YOURS

by Davey, Blown Coverage

The Dallas Cowboys have a rookie kicker called Nick Folk and young mister Folk must be hung like a killer whale on Levitra. That’s basically the only explanation that I have. Well, it’s either that or God just hates the Buffalo Bills.

Folk kicked 4 field goals including a 53-yarder to win the game as time expired. Actually, Folk kicked that 53-yarder twice as Dick Jauron tried that weak sh*t of calling a timeout right before the kick but not even that could rattle King Leonidas Sir Kick-a-lot. Folk just adjusted the huge male package in his pants and kicked that baby through while making a dirty poem involving Jauron’s mother.

Dallas basically tried to give the game away by turning the ball over 6 times and playing a pathetic brand of football that would be fitting for my Miami Dolphins. Tony Romo was picked off a staggering 5 times and 2 of those were returned for a touchdown. Terrence McGee also returned a kick-off for a touchdown for Buffalo but the Cowboys somehow still came away with an amazing 1-point win.

So, the ‘Boys are still undefeated and the Bills are officially done now after blowing what would’ve been their biggest win of this decade. As if Buffalo needed more vomit inducing memories involving Dallas….

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OUR FAVORITE PUNTER HAS BEEN SENTENCED

by Davey, Blown Coverage

And he actually caught a break if you ask me. Mitch Cozad, the Northern Colorado back-up punter who stabbed his teammate in the leg in an attempt to become a starter, will spend the next 7 years running the naked-bootleg in a federal ass-pounding penitentiary.

How is that “catching a break” you ask? Well, he was charged with attempted murder at first, a charge that could have gotten him 48 years in the joint. He was then found guilty of second degree assault and was looking at 16 years in the slammer. So yeah, if I was him I’d be happy with getting 7 years, something that significantly lowers his ass-to-sausage ratio.

“Clearly, this was deliberate to hurt him, and you succeeded,” Weld County District Judge Marcelo Kopcow told Cozad as he announced the sentence.

“The goal is to not ruin your life,” Kopcow said. “I would like you to succeed in your life.”

I dunno, but it’s kind of hard to succeed in life after you stab your fellow punter in the leg. But I’m kind of torn in this though. On the one hand, it’s sad to see a young man go to jail but when your stabbing punters, you probably deserve whatever is coming to you.

Like I said before, it’s not like he was stabbing Tim Tebow in an attempt to become the starting quarterback at Florida or Mike Hart, in an attempt to run the rock at Michigan. No, he stabbed Rafael Mendoza in an attempt to become the starting punter at Northern Colorado. That’s not really going to get you a lot of “street cred” in my opinion.

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RANDOM OBSERVATIONS : SEAHAWKS @ 49ERS, SECOND HALF EDITION

by Davey, Blown Coverage

I guess the Bucs are for real. Tampa is leading Carolina 17-0 and I don’t really see Carolina coming back in this one. The Steelers are holding a slim 7-0 lead over Arizona while LaDanian Tomlinson is leading the Chargers over the Chiefs.

Mike Nolan has come out in the second half without his coat on and with his sleeves rolled up and I’m thinking that he has assaulted someone during half time. If Trent Dilfer comes out bleeding, we know why.

• The ‘Niners come out showing big testicles as they attempt an onside kick and recover it. Darryl Johnston is absolutely gushing about the call and he says that this half will define San Fran’s season.

• Beautiful. On the very next play Trent Dilfer throws into an area with about 5 Seahawks defenders and the pass is intercepted by Marcus Trufant. Moose Johnston is not very happy about it to say the least.

• And the ‘Niners look to be done. Seattle drives right down the field and Matt Hasselbeck connects with Marcus Pollard in the endzone. Seattle 20, San Fran 0. The ‘Niners are showing as much life as the New York Mets…

• Dilfer just threw an incomplete pass but the good news is that the ‘Niners finally picked up the blitz. I’m pretty sure that that was the first time they did that successfully all day today.

• But of course they follow it up by committing a false start penalty and an illegal formation penalty on back-to-back plays. They took 1 step forward but then went about 5 steps backwards.

• Meanwhile, Marvin Harrison has 8 yards receiving, Reggie Wayne has 20 and Steve Smith has 5. So it’s safe to say that my fantasy team is the only team that is performing worse than the ‘Niners today.

• Well, at least they’re not getting shut out anymore. Matt Hasselbeck throws into double coverage and the pass is picked off by Nate Clements. San Fran musters up a decent little drive and it culminates into a field goal. Seattle leads 20-3 and Tony Siragusa is muttering jibberish.

• And just when you thought that San Fran could somehow get back into it, Dilfer tosses another pick. Marcus Trufant intercepts his 2nd pass of the day and this is just ugly. Meanwhile, a fan rushes on to the field and a security guard shows great form on the tackle as he wrapped him up and drove him nicely into the ground. That’s the best play the ‘Niners have had all day.

• Over in San Diego, the Chiefs have just tied it up with a Tony Gonzalez touchdown catch. It’s 16-16 and my survivor pick is not looking so great right now.

• The Steelers are also in some trouble as Arizona takes a 14-7 lead after Steve Breaston returns a punt 73 yards for a touchdown. And you can add Large Benjamin to the list of guys that are not helping my fantasy team at all. Awesome..

• Holy crap. Damon Huard connects on a 51-yard pass to Dwayne Bowe and the Chiefs take a 23-16 lead. Norv Turner is going to get stabbed in his throat if things don’t turn around quickly. I love the fact that I changed my survivor pick from Dallas to San Diego at the last minute.

• The reason that I’m not commenting much on this game is because it’s dragging along lethargically, just like my bladder.

• Amazing. The Chiefs are now leading 30-16 after a Phillip Rivers fumble is returned for a touchdown. And just as I’m typing this, the Cards up their lead to 21-7 over Pittsburgh. Upsets have been all over the place this weekend.

• There’s 3:15 left in this game and Patrick Willis has just recorded his first tackle of the game for San Fran. That basically sums up what a horrible day it has been for the ‘Niners.

• It looks like the Bucs will hold on for a 20-7 win over Carolina and I guess it’s safe to say that David Carr is not the answer there. How Ike Hilliard torched that Carolina D for 114 yards is beyond me…

• Fox reminds us that Miami will play the Giants in week 8, in London England and I’m actually feeling sorry for the British that they’ll have to see Miami in action. The first regular season game in England and they get the Dolphins…that’s just wrong.

• And the ‘Niners are put out of their misery. The Seahawks are kneeling and this one can’t be over soon enough. Joe Buck thinks that it was a disgusting display by San Fran and he’s sad that they showed it on tv.

• The Chiefs also hold on to beat San Diego 30-16 and that is probably the most surprising score of the day. I really don’t know what I can say about that right now other than that Norv Turner should be beaten with a stick.

• What a day. Marino’s record goes down, the Brown beat the Ravens, Atlanta tops Houston, the Bills top the Jets, the Chargers lose to the Chiefs and Pittsburgh falls to Arizona. Miami is the worst team in history and my mood has reached an all-time low.

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