by Andrew, The Grand National Championships
I was telling another blogger yesterday, you know what I’m rooting for if the Sox win the ALCS?
A crippling players strike.
You think I’m joking? I am not. You think I wish the demise of a sport I have loved as a child? If it stops a World Series like this, absolutely.
I know. I am a monster. How dare I not want to see if the hottest team since the Road Warriors can continue their run for the roses? Easily. Very easily.
“I don’t want to offend anyone, but I think character-wise we’re stronger than anyone in baseball. Christians, and what they’ve endured, are some of the strongest people in baseball. I believe God sends signs, and we’re seeing those.” -Rockies chairman and CEO Charlie Monfort
Now, I’m not one to say that you are flawed if you’re down with the big guy in the sky. But the Rockies are that Evangelical “Focus on the Family,” if you’re not with us you are against us sort of Christian. I’m not saying they are sanctimonius hypocrites in Denver. I’m really not.
But point of fact? Jesus wouldn’t try and copyright a 25 year-old phrase. Jesus would let classic rock share it’s love with Rocktober. Rocktober gets the Led out. Rocktober gives us our mandatory Metallica.
Rocktober is not a trademarkable element fron the greatest run in a baseball teams history. Jesus loves the talented, sure. But this is just an attempt at cheap and easy money. Jesus does not love the profiteers.
And in turn, I cannot stand the Rockies.
But the Red Sox? They just might be worse. Sure, there is the Sox fan whom holds a grasp on sanity. They don’t deserve what I’m going to say next, sure.
But are they the consensus? No. Not even close. The average Red Sox fan whom is built internet tough is in love with the world right now. And the fact is.
This is why you are called a Masshole. I am looking at you, too lazy to work in any other format besides Top 10. You are the reason why people crack jokes about cars parking in Harvard Yard. You are the reason why Jimmy Fallon has a career.
He’s Sully! He’s just like us! We would attempt to bring down Saturday Night Live from the inside too! It’s Wicked Awesome!
You know why so many people ask Sox Fans for directions? BECAUSE THEY WANT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!
Hah-hah!
But the fact of the matter is, the Red Sox and the Yankees are one in the same. It used to be more of a blue-collar versus high falootin’, and like the man said, a working class hero is something to be. But then Manny was paid 200 million dollars in Duplos, and the gap closed.
Now? It’s New York and Boston. They are one in the same. If New York is Darth Vader, Boston is Anakin Skywalker. They are both evil. It’s just one was good once.
This is why I am rooting for a cancellation. A lockout will do. An alien invasion. Zombie apocalypse.
Nobody deserves this championship. Nobody.
NERDIER THAN A PAPELBON DANCE!!!
4 responses so far ↓
Sooze // October 22, 2007 at 5:37 am
Braaaaaaaaaaains.
DMtShooter // October 22, 2007 at 10:09 am
Um, I’m the reason Jimmy Fallon has a career, because I write lists for EC?
Dude, I am way too lazy for a blogger war, but them’s fightin’ words.
DCScrap // October 22, 2007 at 10:15 am
I love lists.
Extra P. // October 22, 2007 at 10:39 am
Wow, I forgot how Dan Monfort has suffered for his Christianity. But according to the Bible, his multi-millionaire ass was cast into a lion’s den, had to walk through a fiery furnace, and then had to listen to “Sweet Caroline” roughly 100 times.
Oh wait, that last one won’t happen for another couple of days or so, forget I mentioned it.
I’ll say it – that is some sanctimonious garbage. If a christian from China wants to talk about suffering, I’m here to listen, but a bunch of fucking millionaires? Douchebags R Us….