THE PATRIOTS ARE ABOUT TO GIZ

by Stan, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes

While you’re sitting back bracing for the money shot and the ejaculit (or is it ejaculate) to hit you square in the face, be sure to thank the NFL Network, ESPN and just about everyone else for continually stroking the shaft of greatness. Yup, that’s right we are only a quarter of the way through the season and there is already absurd talk of the Patriots going 16-0. And all this talk of undefeated is a bit premature, but some people just can’t seem to get their lips off the Pats greatness. And to be honest I wonder why?

Sure, they are good, sh*t they are great…you’ve got no arguments there. Tom Brady to Randy Moss, we get the picture. Playing the “right” way, a selfless team, individual leaders all molded from the GOD of Belichick … check, check, check … I get it. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, the combined records of the teams they’ve beaten stands at 4-12. OK, so they’ve covered all 4 games and have not failed to win by at least 21 points…yet

However, aren’t the Patriots just a little bit boring? Look, we’ve been down this road before, we know Tom Brady can make a woman climax, while he throws a TD. This all seems like old news, because it’s been going on for about 6 years. At what if any point did you (unless you’re a diehard Patriot fan) think the MNF game was remotely entertaining? It was over about 5 minutes into the game and the Patriots, as usual, methodically took the air out of the ball and watched their opponent bleed to death, while Belichick watched in admiration.

It’s quite ironic how the Patriots have in essence become the New York Yankees of football. And I can hear Patriot fans trying to deny this, but you can’t really argue. Belichick is your Torre and Brady is your Jeter. You preach the same philosophies “winning the Patriot way.” Remember, you can take any player you want (like a Randy Moss) and mold them into your system, much like the Yanks are forced to do year in and year out with their purchased talent. Sure, you may have a much classier owner and you don’t spend at will, but the Pats arrogance stinks much worse than even the Yankees.

The whole “spygate” incident was proof enough at the stench of arrogance Belichick wears as his cologne. After the game on Monday Night, Brady and Belichick only spoke of how they made too many mistakes here and there. Yet, somehow the WWL persuaded us to believe this was an act of class from the ULTIMATE professionals. Gag me with a spoon…please. How much longer is everyone going to tolerate this shit?

If we think the media handjob and Bj’s are bad now … just wait. Bill Simmons is ready with open arms for the Pats giz to hit him on the chin. Maybe ESPN will re-assign Pedro Gomez to follow the team in their quest at perfection. Regardless, the development is in motion. So, I suggest if you don’t want to be doused by a fresh batch of Patriot throat yogurt, mute your TV on Sunday’s and give the WWL a wide birth.

Don’t get me wrong, the Patriots are no doubt a phenomenal team and organization. I just don’t need to hear about it every waking minute. I get the drift, already. For all practical purposes the Patriots are headed for another Super Bowl and they very well may flirt with perfection. However, let’s just wait until they are 14-0 before we break out the lube. Can we at least agree on that?

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